Emotions, money, and families. It can be a recipe for disaster. Luckily, you can stop some problems before they even start.
4 minutes to read
A wedding survey showed that in 2020, 72% of couples said that planning their wedding was very stressful. As a result, 35% of these couples said they were experiencing more arguments. But these arguments aren’t about the big things in life, but little details that truly don’t matter in the overall scheme of things.
So it’s worth remembering, through all this process: will anyone care that the invitations were peach, or soft pink? Will you?
Budget and Money Problems
Money is one of the biggest stressors in life, and almost all couples argue about it at some point. While you might be a bargain finder, your spouse might be more of a ‘spend-it-all-we-only-get-married-once’ type. Add into this mix families who want to contribute, and you have a recipe for financial fighting.
Before the arguments start, sit down with everyone involved and discuss honestly what people want to, and can afford to contribute. Write down the agreement, so everyone is clear. It’s painful but discussing it now will avoid WWIII later.
If you and your partner are struggling to make the budget fit the plans, have a serious chat about what is truly important to you. Pick your top three must-have-priorities each and three nice-to-haves that you can bargain around.
Remember, this is one day, and it’s not worth getting into financial problems for.
Other People’s Opinions
Opinions and ideas are great if you ask for them, but when people want to influence you, it’s no fun. And seemingly everyone has an opinion about your wedding.
It’s likely they are just super excited for you, wanting to re-create their ‘amazing’ wedding, or maybe they’re wanting you to live out their dreams. Whatever it is, it can be really tough to navigate and deflect without hurting their feelings.
However, it’s not their wedding. It’s you and your partners.
If you find yourself getting overwhelmed or someone is driving you insane, stop, and take a deep breath. Phrases like ‘oh that sounds amazing but I don’t think our budget will fit that’, or, ‘cool idea but there is no place for Darth Vader at an Avengers wedding’ can help.
Stay cool, be honest, and try to see their perspective, even if it isn’t aligned with yours. Sometimes, all that’s needed is a gentle reminder than you and your metalhead future spouse probably don’t want a string quartet unless they play Metallica.
It’s surprising how often bridesmaid dresses can be problematic. It’s not just who pays for them, but the style and colour that causes dissent. Remember: No one ever wears a bridesmaid dress again. Keep that in mind.
If the colour you’ve chosen is causing problems, can you make some changes and pick another colour from your wedding palette? Colours like orange and yellow are difficult to look good in, while blue is very safe and suits everyone. Can you compromise and let people choose a different shade of the colour? But ultimately, it’s your day, and if you’re paying, they might just have to get over it.
If it’s the style of the outfit that’s causing problems, remember that you want your friends to be comfortable on the day. If they are going to feel awkward or uncomfortable, it’s going to be obvious on the day. Consider:
- Getting their outfit tailored so it fits beautifully
- Changing the style to be more accommodating
- Allowing your bridesmaids to have the same fabric but a different dress style
Your Future Spouse is Being a Jerk
It happens. Everyone can be a jerk at times. Remember that you two don’t have to agree on everything, just the important things. Marriage is about compromise, might as well start practicing now.
- Communicate openly, honestly, and without judgement. Let your partner explain themselves calmly. Try and understand why this is important to them; listen carefully and reflect back to them what you heard. ‘So, you feel like you have to invite Uncle Bert and Aunt Marge, despite our limited guest list, because they gave you that Pokemon toy when you were six?’
- Stop, take a breath, and remind yourself that you want to be open to change, being influenced by your future spouse, and changing your mind.
- Is this negotiable? While there are some things which are definitely non-negotiable, there are aspects or ideas that can be modified or scrapped altogether. Think about that list of three must-haves. Get creative together. Maybe they can invite Bert and Marge if they trim two people from their side of the guest list. Maybe they can come to the ceremony only. Maybe, you run away and elope and avoid this problem altogether (and, this is a totally acceptable solution that all couples consider at some point).
- Hopefully, you should have a solution by now. If not, start back at step one.
Don’t Lose Sight of What’s Important
This is the day you might have been dreaming of since you first could throw a net curtain over your head and marry your brother (only me? Cool). Or, this could be the means to an end, formalising your relationship because your partner really cares about it. Either way, you need to plan a day you’ll both love and remember forever…. Because you compromised and created it together, with your spouse, family, and friends.